To all the C-section mommas who didn’t want it…

To all the C-section mommas who didn’t want it…

I see you. I hear you. I am you.

A c-section delivery was never in my plans. But when my baby needed to be delivered 6 weeks early and his heart rate was dropping, a vaginal delivery wasn’t an option and a c-section became the new plan.

With a drape between us and while I was strapped to a table, my son came into the world.

When my husband left me to follow our son to the NICU, my emotions overcame me. I felt defeated. I felt less than. I didn’t feel like my son’s mother.

But, I am his mother. That boy is the light of my life and I’m the center of his universe. He lights up the second I come into his view, no matter if I was at work or in the other room. I’m the only one he wants when he’s tired. “Mama” was his first word and I was the first to get his sweet, slobbery kisses. Having a vaginal birth would not have changed any of that.

And you, my sweet friend, you are your baby’s momma.

No matter how you brought your baby into the world, you are the one who will kiss the booboo and scare the monster away. You will feed them and bathe them and snuggle them to sleep.

I know a c-section wasn’t your plan and everyone is talking “natural” births, but there is nothing wrong with you and the way you birthed your baby. If you and baby are safe and healthy, it shouldn’t matter. Birth is what makes you a mother, but being a momma is so much more than that.

Some days I still wish my birth would have gone to plan. Some days I feel cheated out of experiencing something my body was designed to do. But then my son crawls onto my lap and pulls my face toward his and I remember that I’m his momma no matter what. And that’s the best way I know to help myself heal and move on.